Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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