I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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