Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
