kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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