i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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