can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
