well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
