there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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