So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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