I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
