Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
