you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
