my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
