after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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