2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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