i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize