so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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