Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
