Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
