I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
