So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
BRING THE BAGELS
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
