I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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