I am midnight drunk by noon
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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