I just made out with a guy for $7.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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