I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
