i think my tv is drunk
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
