weddingsv make me drug and hornr
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
