I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
