last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
