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I think im going to throw up on grandma
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
