They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
