No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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