i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
