I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
