Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
