hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
