I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
