Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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