he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
