how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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