Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Someone shit on the floor
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Found your dick twin last night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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