The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
