yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
