Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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