I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i think i just lost a toe
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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