Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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