I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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