you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
