Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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