Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
