Your dad touched me again.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
