Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
