Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
