im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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