Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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