i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
