last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
