the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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