Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
