so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
