Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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