so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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