i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
