matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
