I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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