he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
